A Year Ago Today
by soccercopdoc
Summary: It's Beth's b-day and Alison is upset. She gets drunk and shows up on Beth's doorstep, only Beth isn't there anymore, Sarah is. (SoccerCop fic)


Sarah was just climbing into bed when she hears the doorbell.

"Shite." She huffs out as she throws the covers back and pads to the front door. She pulls the door open slightly to reveal Alison.

Sarah leans out the door to look at Alison and almost gasps out loud. Alison's eyes are bright red and swollen and her hair is in complete disarray. There is most definitely something wrong. Sarah can't imagine Alison ever leaving the house looking like this.

"Please." The soccer mom chokes out. Sarah stands back to allow the other woman in and they walk in the living room.

"So are you going to tell me what this is all about?" Sarah asks. Alison doesn't respond, only sits on the couch taking in the surroundings with cold eyes.

"Bloody hell." Sarah breaths out as she watches Alison raise the wine bottle to her lips with shaky hands.

"What is going on? Alison?" Sarah prods gently. She reaches over and pries the, mostly empty, wine bottle out of the other woman's hands.

Alison's head turns slightly too look at Sarah and tears are freely slipping down her cheeks. She shakes her head and gives Sarah a grim smile.

"Nothing. I was just in the neighborhood." The soccer mom replies in a watery voice before slumping further down the couch. Sarah sits next to her in silence and waits for some sort of explanation.

They sit that way for another ten minutes before Alison breaks the silence.

"I used to love coming here." She hums out. Sarah looks at her and raises an eyebrow questioningly.

"I spent a lot of time here. Beth…" Alison's voice catches and she looks around the room again.

"We were…close." The soccer mom rasps out, her voice hoarse from what Sarah can surmise to be at least a few hours of crying.

Alison stands from the coach and walks to the kitchen. She reaches up into the liquor cabinet but can't quiet reach the bottle she wants.

Sarah comes up behind her and reaches up to grab the bottle. Sarah wants to laugh, if they're clones, how is she taller? She'll never get over this. Cosima has bigger boobs, Alison is the shortest…She is lost in her own thoughts when she hears Alison gasp and freeze against her.

Without realizing it Sarah has placed her hand on the small of the other clones back. Alison swivels quickly in her arms and the tears have started anew. Sarah can see what looks like fear swimming in Alison's eyes.

"I'm sorry Ali.." Sarah says, although she's not sure what she's apologizing for. Alison brings a shaking finger up to Sarah lips, silencing her. The soccer mom smiles bitterly.

"Please don't call me that. She….she called me that." Alison husks out and pushes herself back against the counter to get as far away from the other clone as she can.

Sarah knows the 'she' Alison is referring to is Beth, but she isn't putting all the pieces together. Sarah isn't sure what to do. She's never been good with emotional heart to hearts or comforting people. She smiles briefly at Alison before getting two glasses and filling them with warm brown liquid. Sarah tries to hand one to Alison who is still pressed against the counter like she is afraid to let go, like if lets go of it she will let go of everything else she is hanging onto. Sarah can see all the heartache and terror swimming in her clone's eyes.

"Alison?" Sarah asks softly and dips her head to make eye contact with Alison.

Alison looks up and Sarah wants to drop the glasses and wrap her arms around the other woman. She has never seen her look so frail and afraid. Sarah has the sudden urge to protect her. She sets the glasses down on the counter and holds her hand out to Alison. The soccer mom looks at the out stretched had and then up at Sarah. They simply stand there looking at each other until Alison finally lets go.

Alison stubbles forward and throws herself into Sarah's arms. She's sobbing wildly and Sarah can only hang on. Alison's legs start to give out and she sags against Sarah. Sarah isn't sure how long she can hold the other woman up so she eases them to the floor. They land in a heap and Alison continues to cry in a low keening moan that frightens Sarah.

Sarah is starting to get worried. She's never seen this Alison before. Her clone still hasn't told her what's going on; in fact she hasn't spoken more than 20 words since she walked through the door. They sit for what seems like an eternity before Alison's sobs start to quiet.

Sarah feels Alison nuzzle into her neck and breathe in deeply.

"Oh god," Alison chokes out and pushes Sarah away from her; "you're using her shampoo?"

Alison's face crumples and she looks like she's going to throw up. She stands up and grabs the glass sitting on the counter, swallowing the contents in one gulp. Alison's hands shake as she sets the glass on the counter. She turns to Sarah and points an accusing finger at her.

"Why are you still here? Why are you still pretending to be her?" She spits out in a venomous tone.

Sarah just sits on the floor with her back against the cabinet. She senses that this is only slightly about her and more about something Alison is working through.

"You're nothing like her, but you're living her in her house, and wearing her clothes, and pretending to be her." Alison starts pacing around the kitchen. She stops and stares down at her clone.

"You're not her. You could never, never been her. I…she…..god dammit." Alison sputters out before she takes a shaky breath. She closes her eyes and grips the counter to steady herself.

"You're not her, you're not her." The soccer mom repeats like a mantra, like she has to convince herself, and it's breaking Sarah's heart.

"I'm sorry." Sarah says simply as she stands to squeeze the other woman's hand.

"Tell me about her." Sarah urges softly as she takes a drink.

Alison's eyes soften slightly, but she shakes her head.

"No." is Alison's only response.

Sarah shrugs her shoulders like it's no big deal and re-fills Alison's glass. She's wondering how this woman is still standing, but the only thing she can think to do is pour her another drink. She pushes the glass toward her clone.

"Why are you really here, Alison?" Sarah asks.

Alison looks around the kitchen and a weary smile pulls at the corners of her mouth.

"I don't know. I really don't. I….well, I started driving and this is where I ended up." Alison feels the tears slide down her cheeks and she angrily wipes at them.

"I miss her." Alison murmurs. Sarah smiles at her.

"You were friends?" Sarah asks. Alison nods, but Sarah sees something flash across her face and almost drops her glass. There was more to it. Beth and Alison they were much more than friends. The pieces start to slowly click into place and she looks at the other woman.

"You loved her." Sarah whispers. Alison only looks back at her with a grief stricken face and tear filled eyes.

"Alison, you were in love with her." Sarah states, it's not a question. She watches the other woman for a reaction.

"Yes." Alison whimpers at looks at Sarah waiting for the disgust or judgment she is sure is coming. So, when Sarah only reaches across the counter and squeezes her hand, it gives her the strength to go on.

"I loved her. I thought she loved me too, but how could she if…..if….Why?" Alison dissolves into tears.

Sarah knew what she was trying to say and realized that Alison had it all wrong. She had learned a lot about Beth over the last couple weeks.

"She did it because she loved you, Alison. She did it to protect you." Sarah stated. Alison glanced up at her and in that moment Sarah believed that she had never seen the other clone so happy. Alison's face shone with hope and what Sarah was she was love.

"Really?" Alison asked shyly.

"Yes. She did it to protect you, Alison. I'm sorry you lost her, but I know she did it because she loved you and wanted to keep you safe. It might have been wrong, but I don't think she saw another way out." Sarah explained confidently to the other woman.

"Thank you." was Alison's only response. She took a long sip of her drink and picked up the bottle, examining it. She gave Sarah a watery smile.

"I got this for her a year ago," Alison said; a sad wistfulness in her voice, "a year ago today. It was her favorite."

"A year ago?" Sarah asked.

"For her birthday." Alison answered and drained her glass.


End file.
